Funny Resume Phrases

Funny Resume Phrases

We read hundreds/thousands of resumes a month.  Many are wonderful.  Interesting backgrounds.  Great use of descriptive words.  Nice formatting.  We do our best to help top people locate great careers with our clients at Peak. On the other hand, as my friend Sandy Walsh would say, “sometimes I just get so tickled”.  Yep, there are times, usually after an intensive day of reading emails and interview calls members of the Peak team start trying to “One Up” each other with Funny  Resume Phrases that we have encountered recently.  Tickled would be an understatement.  We become a loud, crazy group complete with waving arms (I talk with my hands).

I will provide my disclaimer and apologies in advance.  If any of the following funny resume phrases were taken from your resume, remember we are laughing with you not at you.  Unless it is late on a Friday in which case we are laughing at you.  But in reality, by then we are laughing at about everybody.

Here are a few resume phrases (honest, we don’t have to make this stuff up!) from the past month or so:

I just read a resume that included grammar school under education section.  Does eating lunch on a sectioned tray and recess make you qualified for my position? Do you have a copy of your report card and some crayon drawings for me to review?

Please Please Please don’t put your photo on your resume.  Ok.  Guy with the Frankenstein hair.  If you don’t want us to hoot over your image, don’t put your photo on your resume.  You may have an excellent background, but if we call you, we will have this image burned into our brain cells.  We won’t be able to concentrate on the interview because Visions from “Young Frankenstein” movie will be swirling in our heads.

Just read a resume with the “S” word (rhymes with hit) in it.  Should I be happy that it was not the “F” word?

Her resume said she answered Heavy Phones. WOW!  That sure saved her gym membership fees.  I bet she has great biceps.

His resume said “vast experience”. Sparky – 2 years of experience is not VAST.

Do you have any resume phrases to add to our list for next time?  Please send them in to  That way we can be laughing AT you and WITH you, but in a good way.


Jacki Neal
Jacki loves solving the worlds issues over lunch with industry professionals. She is a self proclaimed non- recovering technology junkie and Diet Coke addict. As the owner of an INC 500/5000 Staffing and Placement firm since 1997, she has helped her clients grow by locating Top Talent to join their teams. She has been known to totally blow the Peak marketing budget by 'grabbing' a bus and taking 75 clients and employees to see Jimmy Buffett. Funny, how relationships change when you see executives in grass skirts.
Jacki Neal
Jacki Neal
Jacki Neal

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